Anger
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My anger has always been an inconsistent thorn in my side. Just when I think I have control it comes back. Lately it's been affecting me in all kinds of ways. The last three years have added more and more man. Im still pissed about so much and really struggle to let it go. All I wanna do is live. Its to the point that me and my partner can't even talk politics or social issues without me getting little emotional and pissed. Its too the point they feel they can't talk to me. I cut them off get emotional and ramble lol. I don't wanna be like that man. I just wanna be chill in thise moments. Have I really let society, past traumas, and people/environments beat me down this bad? I just wanna live and be a good friend and partner man. I wanna help people man. I wanna be a good person not an overly angry asshole!!!!
I'm suprised there are only two thoughts on this word.
I've never been this angry. My roommates come into my room with their friend - with vodka. So they're drinking the leftover beer we've had in the fridge AND the vodka.
And one of the roommates becomes an obnoxious loud asshole, while the other becomes a homophobic-remark-spewing asshole.
The friend is okay, he's barely drinking. Then some bitch who is always drunk comes in and is going to call me strange. And the other fuck from another hall who hates me is going to be playing video games with them all.
I'm doing my work - because I forgot that it's due tomorrow (so I'm either going to try doing it until they all leave (most likely 4am) or just not go tomorrow and risk losing points off of my grade.
Seriously. and then more people start pouring into the room. And they're all loud. A) people are sleeping B) shut the fuck up.
I probably wouldn't have minded so much if my sexual orientation wasn't trashed every four and a half seconds (I counted).
I have never been so angry in my entire life. I'm livid.
Friday night I go home. I'm probably coming back on Tuesday to start finals. And then it's right back home next friday for the summer.
And then I don't have to do ANYTHING. I'm done with them. Never have to room with them again. I thought I might be making the wrong move rooming with someone mature and clean like me. I'm probably making the best move of my life.
AND HE SPILLED BEER. ALL OVER THE RUG. THAT I BROUGHT TO THE ROOM. WHICH IS STAINED WITH BEER FROM ANOTHER DAY.
i'm angry.
It's such an interesting thing...
The bitter hate of betrayal. The harsh sting of disappointment. The pin-pick of annoyance. The throb of envy.
Anger is pain. It's the things that hurt us the most that piss us off beyond all coherent thought.
Pain sucks...anger---the rage that builds from whatever hurts us---I think it might be what keeps us going. It's what keeps us from crying all the time. Instead of a constant sadness there's a constant anger that's easier to suppress.
About two-ish years ago I transfered schools. It was probably the best thing I ever did. I noticed that when I am at school I'm a lot happier. I used to be so angry all the time. I was tense, I hated everyone and everything, and I got pissed at the drop of a hat. When I was at school i didn't feel that. i wasn't angry. I thought I felt that way because of the atmosphere at my old school. Now, I realize that those feelings came from my home life, rather than my school. All of the old feelings that had went away when i was at school are back. I am angry all the time. I thought that I was done with that part of myself, but I guess it won't go away until the cause for it goes away. I can't wait to go back to school, at least while I'm there i can temporarily relieve myself of this anger.